woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Your penis caused this!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
