He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
