2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
