I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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