Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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