Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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