Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
