how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
