It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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