i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
