Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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