You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
