You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
barbara walters just said penis...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
