im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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