I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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