i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
