I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Its about making memories worth repressing
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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