I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My pussy is not your playground.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
