just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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