her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
