I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
