Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
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im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I checked into jail on foursquare
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
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he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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