my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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