well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
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Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
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Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.