JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live