the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
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And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
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Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.