There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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