I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
