So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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