My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
