I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize