Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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