he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
NoShamevember. You game?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
