Swine flu. Run for my life!
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
