HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
