Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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