I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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