I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
