Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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