weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
