Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
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i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
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I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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