i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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