You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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