Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
