Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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