He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
