If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
