I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
