I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
