Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
