i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
