im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
