Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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