I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
