dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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