oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
