Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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