he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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