I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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