first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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