If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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