True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
