The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
