My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
