the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i've created a new STD.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
