Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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