wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
