Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
