I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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