I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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