its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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