Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
