So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
