So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
