he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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