Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
His nipple licking is glorious
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