I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
