So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
